What Kind of Name is Hermione?

  • Title: ‘What Kind of Name is Hermione?’
  • Band: The Parselmouths
  • Albums: Sssss (2006), Pretty in Pink (and Green) (2008)

Sssss (2006)

Who’s that girl that’s always first to raise her hand? (I know who)
Her name’s Hermione, and boy, she makes me mad (Ugh, me too)
That girl is ugly, and frumpy, disgusting
Looks like she hasn’t washed her hair in three whole weeks

[spoken:]
You know, what kind of name is Hermione, anyway?
I don’t know, it took me like four years to learn how to pronounce it.
She has stupid hair.

[sung:]
What kind of name is Hermione?
It makes me think of something whiny (Like cats!)
She’s already in Arithmancy (Uh huh uh huh)
I really hate that she’s smarter than me (Ugh, me too)

Have you heard that her parents are dentists (Dentists?)
That means they pick around in dirty Muggles’ teeth (Ew!)
But she hangs around that gorgeous Harry Potter (I love him!)
And that other redhead boy (What’s his name?)

[spoken:]
Roy?
No, Roger.
Ralph?
Ronald?
Oh, who cares?

[sung:]
What kind of name is Hermione? (I don’t know)
It’s a made-up name, I guarantee (Mm hmm mm hmm)
Always sucking up in History
Do you think she stole the answer key? (I bet she did!)

[spoken:]
No wonder she’s so smart.
She’s a dirty, rotten cheater!
Ugh, I hate Hermione.
Me too!

[sung:]
What kind of name is Hermione?
What kind of name is Hermione?
What kind of name is Hermione? (What kind of name, what kind of name, what kind of name)
What kind of name is Hermione? (What kind of name)

That little witch!

Pretty in Pink (and Green) (2008)

Who’s that girl that’s always first to raise her hand? (I know who)
Her name’s Hermione, and boy, she makes me mad (Ugh, me too)
That girl is ugly, and frumpy, disgusting
Looks like she hasn’t washed her hair in three whole weeks

[spoken:]
What kind of parents name their kid Hermione anyway? (Um, Muggles!)
Ew!

[sung:]
What kind of name is Hermione?
It makes me think of something whiny (Like cats!)
She’s already in Arithmancy (Uh huh uh huh)
I really hate that she’s smarter than me (Ugh, me too)

But have you heard that her parents are dentists? (Dentists?)
That means they pick around in dirty Muggles’ teeth (Ew!)
But she hangs around that gorgeous Harry Potter (I love him!)
And that other redhead boy (Wait, what’s his name?)

[spoken:]
Ralph?
Renaldo.
Ricky?
Rocko.
Rudolph.
Rambo.
Richie?
Raymond?
Ryan.
Mark.
Jason?
Aaron.
Luke?
It’s Ron!
Oh, yeah, OK

[sung:]
What kind of name is Hermione?
It’s a made-up name, I guarantee (Uh huh uh huh)
She’s always sucking up in history (Ew)
Do you think she stole the answer key (I bet she did!)

What kind of name is Hermione?
What kind of name is Hermione?
What kind of name is Hermione? (What kind of name, what kind of name, what kind of name)
What kind of name is Hermione? (What kind of name)

What kind of name is Hermione?
What kind of name is Hermione?

That little witch!

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