An Epic Christmas Tale, Chapter One: How the Thestrals Saved Christmas


Well, Santa Claus was walking and he was taking stock
Of all the new toys and all of his stuff
When he, when he came upon the reindeer stables

Well, he was in for a mighty big surprise
When he realised that all of the reindeer had died
And he let out a yell and he started to cry

To make matters worse, it was Christmas Eve Eve
Which meant that tomorrow, he was going to have to leave
To deliver toys to boys and girls all over the globe

So he ran to the phone and he called an old friend
Who was another guy with a big white bushy beard
And he said, ‘Dumbledore, I need some help, I’m in a bit of a tight spot’

‘See, I, I can’t pull my sleigh without my reindeer
And if I can’t fly, well, then all of these toys are just going to stay here
And the boys and girls everywhere are going to be mighty sad’

Well, Dumbledore said nothing, he just sat there and thought
Then, after a while, he said, ‘Aha! I got it’
And, well, well, this is what he said:

He said, ‘Santa, don’t worry, I can get you through the night
I’ve got just the right creatures; they can even take flight
They may be a little creepy, but they’ll definitely get the job done

‘I know they’re not quite as cheerful as the reindeer were
But they’re fast as lightning, and they’re strong as thunder
Yeah, the Thestrals will save the day before the sun comes up’

So, the very next day, well, eight Thestrals arrived
But no one could see them because no one there dies
You see, at the North Pole, well, everybody is immortal

So, they had to call up the Abominable Snowman
‘Cause, you see, more than a few people had died at his hands
So, he showed them just where the great winged beasts were

It took quite a while, but eventually
The black bony animals were hooked up to the sleigh
Ready for takeoff, but Santa was a little bit nervous

He climbed in the sleigh and he grasped at the reins
But since Dasher and Dancer and the rest of the gang weren’t around
Well, he was at a loss at what to say in order to leave

So, he thought for a minute, and into his head
Came the words of that wizard that he considered his friend
So, aloud and with vigour, he started to sing:

He sang, ‘Santa, don’t worry, I can get you through the night
I’ve got just the right creatures; they can even take flight
They may be a little creepy, but they’ll definitely get the job done

‘I know they’re not quite as cheerful as the reindeer were
But they’re fast as lightning and they’re strong as thunder
Yeah, the Thestrals will save the day before the sun comes up’

They were flying through the night and everything was going smooth
They had finished the western hemisphere and they were starting to hit a groove
When flying over England, they ran into a spot of trouble

Death Eaters arrived, and they surrounded the sleigh
They were going to ruin Christmas, but not if Santa had his way
He pulled out his wand, and he started to duel

The Death Eaters were surprised; Santa had caught them off guard
‘Cause they didn’t know that he was a member of the wizarding world
But how else besides magic do you explain delivering all those toys?

The battle raged over Reading and over Slough
And curses flew over the sleigh, over the stern and over the bow
And the Death Eaters fell, one by one, and the Thestrals held steady

And at the end of the night, after all the toys had been delivered
And back at the North Pole, at the celebration dinner
Santa stood up to give his annual congratulations

Oh, he thanked Mrs Claus and he thanked all the elves
But before he sat down to just enjoy himself
He gave a loud, ‘Merry Christmas!’ and began to sing, one more time:

‘Oh, Santa, don’t worry, I can get you through the night
I’ve got just the right creatures; they can even take flight
They may be a little creepy, but they’ll definitely get the job done

I know they’re not quite as cheerful as the reindeer were
But they’re fast as lightning and they’re strong as thunder
Yeah, the Thestrals will save the day before the sun comes up’

Oh, I said, ‘Santa, don’t worry, I can get you through the night
I’ve got just the right creatures; they can even take flight
They may be a little creepy, but they’ll definitely get the job done

I know they’re not quite as cheerful as the reindeer were
But they’re fast as lightning and they’re strong as thunder
Yeah, the Thestrals will save the day before the sun comes up’

That’s how the Thestrals saved the day before the sun came up
Oh, the Thestrals will save the day before the sun comes up

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