You Can’t Speak Snake

  • Title: ‘You Can’t Speak Snake’
  • Band: The Moaning Myrtles
  • Album: What About Myrtle? (2008)

Ron can’t speak Parseltongue
Instead, he just looks really dumb
I’m floating here and watching him try

Spitting, hissing, stuttering
And, as usual, blubbering
Now I’m laughing so hard I could cry

He says …

I’m telling you now
Come on Ronald, give me a break?
How much stupidity can we take?
Remember, you’re not Harry and you can’t speak snake

You sound worse than a Mandrake
And you’re giving me a headache
So just stop trying, ’cause you can’t speak snake

And Granger’s time is spent
Hiding her embarrassment
Her face is redder than your hair

She doesn’t have advice to give
So she’s just being supportive
These two make quite an awkward pair

He says …

I’m telling you now
Come on, Ronald, give me a break
How much stupidity can we take?
Remember, you’re not Harry and you can’t speak snake

You sound worse than a Mandrake
And you’re giving me a headache
So just stop trying, ’cause you can’t speak snake

You can’t speak snake
(Ron, you’re dumb, you can’t speak Parseltongue)
You can’t speak snake
(Ron, you’re dumb, you can’t speak Parseltongue)

You can’t speak snake
(Ron, you’re dumb, you can’t speak Parseltongue)
You can’t speak snake
(Ron, you’re dumb, you can’t speak Parseltongue)

You can’t speak snake

Then I finally voice my doubts
You just started making out
It was so gross, I wanted to throw up

So I ran into my stall
Life’s not so bad after all
I heard a noise, so then I looked back up

The Chamber had been opened up at last
Even though this was a test, Ron passed

Good job, Ronald, let’s bake a cake
With magic they’re not so hard to make
I didn’t think you could, but you can speak snake

Let’s throw a party at the lake
Even though you are a fake
You opened the Chamber, so you can speak snake

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