Troll in the Dungeons


Rows upon rows of pumpkins flicker with candles inside
More thousands of bats, actual bats, hover over the tables from side to side
Delicious scents waft through the air, and I start to fill up my plate
But Professor Quirrell bursts through the door and tells us we’ve got to wait

‘Cause … oh, there’s a troll in the dungeons, ruining my Hallowe’en
Dinner was going to be so delicious (pumpkin pasties are really delicious)
But now there’s a troll in the dungeons — a troll, something I’ve never seen
And because there’s a troll in the dungeons, we’ve got to go tell Hermione

Instead of going with Percy, we head to the girls’ toilets instead
Because though we don’t like Hermione, we’d rather she not be dead
Ron and I find the troll, and even though we’re terrified
We keep our wits about us and cleverly lock it inside

So now there’s a troll in the bathroom, ruining my Hallowe’en
Dinner was going to be so delicious (cockroach clusters are really delicious)
But now there’s a troll in the bathroom, something I’d hoped never to see
And because there’s a troll in the bathroom, we’ve got to rescue Hermione

We manage to knock out the troll with a wand up its nose and a club on its head
We know when the teachers find us, we’ll be in so much trouble, we’ll wish we were dead
But for some reason, Hermione lies, and gets us all out of this mess
We only got five points for Gryffindor, but at least we didn’t have to confess

That it was our fault Hermione was in the bathroom on Hallowe’en
Crying all by herself, ’cause Ron and I are so mean
We’re so mean
I’m sorry, Hermione, we didn’t mean it

Well, there was a troll in the dungeons; it ruined my Hallowe’en
Dinner was going to be so delicious (treacle tart is really delicious)
There was a troll in the dungeons, a sight I’d hoped never to see
But because of the troll in the dungeons, I’m now friends with Hermione

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